At the beginning of 2023, I was struck with pain in several different areas of my body—my pelvis, lower back, and right knee. That summer, I began dealing with lower abdominal pain and GI symptoms—gut wrenching anxiety produced by fear, and it didn’t help that I wasn’t certain of what was occurring in my body. The pain became so great that I left my retail job and started staying home most days, losing my desire to engage in anything I enjoyed. I even had to stop driving for a few months. When it felt like I was losing everything, and myself along with it, I no longer wanted to live and suffer in this way.
One day that summer, while I was home alone, I remember asking God to grant me the strength to endure what I was going through—I was so tired of hurting and I wanted to experience anything but physical pain, but I asked him anyway. In the most loving way, he told me I was missing the one important thing that would allow him to move on my behalf: faith. This came as a surprise because it seemed to me that my faith fueled my reliance on God during that time of my life. I thought I’d been believing him for my healing, but once I began to reflect on the previous months, I realized my actions had proved I wasn’t believing him for anything but I’d only been asking him for what he’d already given me through Christ. Day in and day out, I’d worried myself excessively, googling every symptom I had and reading nearly every article or study that popped up. I’d initially had more faith in the doctors than in God, and when they failed me, I turned to the internet. I thought this is all I can do if even the doctors don’t know what’s wrong with me. How could I have had faith in God while simultaneously stressing myself out (which only worsened every symptom)?
That evening, alone in the living room, the Holy Spirit sat me down to show me how my approach to the situation had been wrong all along.
“You’ve been waiting to get better and for things to change, but you don’t believe I can and will change them. You don’t have faith in me.” His words led me to a place of deep thought as I began to wonder why I relied on my desire to be healed instead of on Christ to heal me, and it became clear I didn’t care so much about him showing up in my situation as I did about being healed and free from pain—not realizing that God showing up is freedom (2 Cor. 3:17). I was not concerned with his ability to change me amid my situation or with him proving himself trustworthy in doing so because I only wanted to be released from what I was experiencing, both mentally and physically.
“For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?”
1 John 5:4-5 ESV
A few minutes later I grabbed my notebook to record my revelations, and as I started writing, I realized it’s faith that makes room for God to pull through on his promises, not desire. Desire only goes so far because it is limited by boundaries, but faith isn’t limited because there is no limitation to God. He has no end and neither does anything he can or will do for his people. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Heb. 11:1). Even a little bit of faith in God does wonders, and all that time it should’ve stood as the substance of the manifestation of my healing, but I only focused on how badly I wanted to feel normal again.
God can’t work with desire, and this is why we have to trust him to see things change. He wants bigger and better for us, but we first have to learn he’s the bigger and better. The trials of life are inevitable, and so is the pain that those trials may consist of, but Christ died so we wouldn’t have to settle for pain. He overcame death so that believers wouldn’t have to face it. When I received this revelation, not only did I pray for God to help my unbelief, but I also grasped the reality of my healing. I was already healed in Christ, but I’d believed I needed to work (worry) to heal myself. It was only a matter of receiving what had been offered to me as a product of his death and resurrection.
“But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.”
Isaiah 53:5 NLT
Over time, God’s word began to shift my mindset from a position of defeat to one of victory, and this is what allowed me to believe I would be healed despite what was occurring in my flesh, even after a diagnosis that was scary to hear. Today, I no longer suffer from pelvic, back, knee, or abdominal pain, and my gut health is being restored as I behold my Abba.
God is faithful regardless of your desires. Put your trust in him from a place of victory and watch him show up for you too.
Your Words are the music to bring healing to all who desires to listen! Keeping writing! So many will be healed through the revelation of Christ❤️❤️
Love this! We thank God for full healing and restoration that’s in Christ Jesus ✨