Just Being Honest
If I’m being honest, though it’s only been about two weeks, August has been challenging. I’m struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically and trying to figure out how to continue spreading the gospel amidst it all. This is something I’ve talked about with God multiple times, each time feeling like I’ve come to a new realization, but then, when things get hard again I forget, sometimes choosing not to spread the good news and hyperfocusing on my own strife. It’s where I’ve been for a few days now—recognizing the importance of helping others while being conscious of my decision to grieve the Spirit and sit in feelings overcome by the cross.
Two weeks ago my friends hosted a bible study, and we studied the thorn in Paul’s flesh in 2 Corinthians. I thought of the invitation from Christ to suffer in this life and realized that we all wrestle with God in one way or another during hard times, not always working out our salvation with fear and trembling or striving toward the greater santification awaiting us. Sometimes, I wrestle to be left alone, crying in frustration and anger, wishing I could be exempt from pain and suffering.
At some point during the bible study, my friend and I looked each other in the eyes for a second. She’d just shared with us what she was going through and admitted it’s hard to keep hope and a lifted head in the midst of everything. I voiced my agreement, speaking about the long and trialsome walk with Christ, and though we both know it is all the more worth it, we don’t think or feel this way all the time.
“For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”
Matthew 7:14 ESV
Three days ago, as I sulked and scrolled on Instagram for the fifth hour in a row, wishing for sadness, grief, and exhaustion to cave in on itself, I came across Romans 8:18 twice, mentioned by two different believers.
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”
Romans 8:18 NKJV
For the first time in a long time, the weight of truth in this verse dawned on me. I know very well my thoughts and feelings change, but truth is unwavering, and the truth is that I am the righteousness of God in Christ. This doesn’t mean I won’t experience hardship, but it means all things will work out for my good, not only in this lifetime, but also in the one to come (Rom. 8:28). I will reap a harvest if I allow God to hold me during my trials—and any other time for that matter—instead of sitting angry and desiring to be released from them all, forgetting that I’ve already been delivered from any and everything that even dares to threaten me because Christ has already died (and cannot and will not die again).
I thank God for reminding me that I am not who I used to be nor am I who the enemy wants me to be. I am only his elect, his daughter. Now, I just have to continue being honest with myself about this identity from here on out, no matter what situation I find myself in, and I can trust he’ll minister to me every time I forget.
With that being said, this is how I continue drawing others to Christ during hardship and struggle: by being honest about life, yet placing emphasis on the reality of any and everything it throws our way. I can share Christ with others even when I’m wavering because I’m still sure of where my help comes from, and it is when I serve another that I realize I myself am being pruned into wholeness.
I hope this read was encouraging and that you continue reigning in Christ.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.””
John 16:33 ESV